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FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK my best friend is coming over and telling my mom i’m depressed and suicidal my life is falling apart
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don’t leave me
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i’m supposed to go to my brother’s wedding in china in january. i don’t want to go because i am way too fat. i don’t even want to leave my house, how am i supposed to travel to another country?
i can’t go this big. especially since everyone there is tiny. especially since everyone will be staring at me and taking pictures because i’m a tall white girl, and many of them will never have seen white people before.
that means that i only have two months to lose all the weight i gained back. i don’t know how that’s gonna happen. it took me so long to get down to the size i was, i had so much more control, and my body wasn’t already a wreck.
technically i never believed that i would still be alive for his wedding. but i keep living past all of the “expiration dates” i give myself.
fuck all of this. thinking about this makes me want to die even more.
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(via terrible-reflection)
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(via putmeto-sleep)
