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dessert for breakfast
i had a freak out the other day because they keep serving foods that i consider desserts for breakfast. i was just so fed up with it. i refused my biscotti and drank boost instead. seriously…
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don’t leave me
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all this rage is really just pain.
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i’m so sick of this bullshit. even though i’m in a slight “up” phase, that doesn’t make anything more bearable, that doesn’t make me want to live. i’m sick of barely eking by on minimally functional depression between phases of even deeper depressions.
at least when i was “down” i was so close to suicide. it felt like it was within my grasp, and as scary as that was, it was ultimately comforting. now it feels farther away and i’m angry that i don’t have that. i want to feel and to know that i don’t have to do this for much longer. i’m already past due. i was so close this fall- why didn’t i just finish it off? i don’t want this life. i want to die, all the time, no matter how i feel.
at least i know that every time i fall down into the darkness over the years i get a little closer to ending it. i really thought i would this time. now i feel sure that it will be next time.
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(via putmeto-sleep)
