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FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK my best friend is coming over and telling my mom i’m depressed and suicidal my life is falling apart
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don’t leave me
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all this rage is really just pain.
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ED Vignette: Worst Gym Memory
I’ve had many gym lows: almost passing out, running through injury… But the worse was one day I ate some brownies and to compensate I was going to burn a ton of calories and not eat the rest of the day. I went to the gym despite feeling sick even though it’d been hours. I felt so nauseous on the elliptical that I stopped and purged in the bathroom so I could finish the rest of my workout.
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We all spend so much time not saying what we want, because we know we can’t have it. And because it sounds ungracious, or ungrateful, or disloyal, or childish, or banal. Or because we’re so desperate to pretend that things are OK, really, that confessing to ourselves they’re not looks like a bad move. Go on, say what you want. … Whatever it is, say it to yourself. The truth will set you free. Either that or it’ll get you a punch in the nose. Surviving in whatever life you’re living means lying, and lying corrodes the soul, so take a break from the lies for just one minute."
A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby (via fuckyeahexistentialism)(Source: thechocolatebrigade, via fuckyeahexistentialism)
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
The Smiths | Well I Wonder
Well I wonder
Do you hear me when you sleep ?
I hoarsely cry
Well I wonder
Do you see me when we pass ?
I half die …
Please keep me in mind
Please keep me in mind
Gasping - but somehow still alive
This is the fierce last stand of all I am
Gasping - dying - but somehow still alive
This is the final stand of all I am
Please keep me in mind
Well I wonder
Well I wonder
Please keep me in mind
Keep me in mind
Keep me in mind -
33057) I hate being hungry; I hate being full. I hate starving; I hate eating. I want people to care, but I don’t let anyone in. Why am I like this? Was I just not meant to be happy?
(Source: confessionsabouteatingdisorders, via suicide-sundeas-deactivated2012)
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every day i don’t kill myself is another day i hate myself even more for not doing it.
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i can’t stand the day going on any longer, but i stay up late because i dread facing tomorrow.
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Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"
Albert Camus
(the age old question) (via fuckyeahexistentialism) -
doomed
the wish for death undermines everything in my entire life.
there’s no point to eat better, try to get better, try to live, try for anything at all. in the end the motivation for everything i do is to pull me closer and closer to death and suicide, and anything constructive or positive opposes that goal.
there’s no point in anything. i feel utterly hopeless. this darkness is never-ending and all-consuming.
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Tomorrow by Morrissey
Tomorrow
Will it really come ?
And if it does come
Will I still be Human ?
All I ask of you is one thing that you never do
Would you put your arms around me ?
(I won’t tell anyone)
Tomorrow
Does it have to come ?
All I ask of you is one thing that you’ll never do
Would you put your arms around me ?
(I won’t tell anybody)
Tomorrow
And what must come before …
Oh, the pain in my arms
Oh, the pain in my legs
Ooh, my shiftless body
Tomorrow
It’s surely nearer now ?
You don’t think I’ll make it
I never said I wanted to !
Well did I ?
Oh, the pain in my arms
Oh, the pain in my legs
Oh, yeah; oh, yeah
No, yeah; no, yeah
Through my shiftless body
Tomorrow
Tomorrow
All I ask of you … oh …
Is : would you tell me that you love me
Tell me, tell me that you love me
Tell me, tell me that you love me
Tell me that you love me !
Ah, I know you don’t mean it
Ah, I know you don’t mean it
Tell me, tell me that you love me
Tell me, tell me that you love me
Tell me, oh, tell me, oh
Tell me, oh, tell me, oh, tell me, oh
